Today I share my song “With”.
It premiered with a music video this morning on Under the Radar.
This song is an ode to solitude; to the magic place I go to when I am alone. To the safety and freedom of silence. To the forever work of remaining whole in the company of others. To the kookiness inside and the strangeness of being alive.
I really was not going to ever make my own video, but I had a vision for this that was sticky in my mind. I wanted to capture what that magic place looks like and feels like to me. So I can remember it, and share it with the people I love.
My manager Maddie was the first to encourage me to direct it myself. I wasn’t giving myself permission to even explore that possibility, because I truly have no experience in that world. But I knew that I wanted this little capsule, even if it was just for me.
Tyler Postiglione, who produced the album, agreed to shoot the project and we did it over two days. The first day, we went to New Jersey and shot at Turkey Swamp Park. While we were shooting, my dog Lola had a medical emergency, and that day, got diagnosed with lung cancer. I kissed her goodbye, and a week ago today, she passed away in her sleep. The day we shot this video was the last time that I saw her.
So much of the video became about my inner child. I used orange, yellow, and green ribbons because when I was a kid, every time someone asked me my favorite color I would list “orange, yellow, and green” in that order. I find myself returning to these colors often. You might also notice the photograph that was used on the cover of my song “Pumpkin” in this video. You’ll also find a bottle of Pepto Bismol, fuzzy alpaca fleece, Cheetos, a copy of “A Room Of One’s Own,” and some balloons from a friend. The iSpy games are endless. That’s what my mess looks like!
I didn’t realize the video would be about my younger self, but it really did become a process of honoring and celebrating that voice inside from when I was a kid. Dedicating real time and energy to letting myself play and be free. It also somehow became a time capsule of the last day I spent with Lola.
Tyler has been a dream collaborator. He is unbelievably patient, dedicated, curious and inventive. He is so often able to complete and bring to life the visions that I have, exactly as I’ve imagined and more. I’m so grateful for his part in this project.
So here you have it! My homemade, love-made, Rest In Peace to Lola time capsule celebration of all inner kookiness. I truly feel different since I’ve made this video. I hope you enjoy it and find yourself in it somehow…
Pearla - "With" from upcoming debut album 'Oh Glistening Onion, The Nighttime Is Coming' out February 10, 2023 on Spacebomb Records.
You can say what you want
But I don’t think I’ll believe it
All the limits are gone
And there’s no room for deceiving
All the lights are left on
and I’m trying to receive you
but I’m only beautiful when I’m alone
I can walk
I can run
With my hair
Done, undone
I can give
To the sun
I can give
All my love
Anonymously out into the ether and
Never need to have it be reciprocated
In funny clothes
In a messy room
Full of crumbs
And big balloons
With dirt beneath my fingernails
Imaginary color trails
In dreams in which I feel a brand new feeling and it tells me:
“Start again
Give in
To the immensity
To the randomness
To the blue blue blue blue blue
To the blue blue blue
To the blue, blue, blue!”
In my four walls
In my glass case
Where my books
And my puppets
Are safe
With
With
With
With
With
With
[Video Credits]
Directed & Edited by Nicole Rodriguez
Cinematography by Tyler Postiglione
[Music Credits]
Written by Nicole Rodriguez
Engineered by Tyler Postiglione at Thump Recording in Brooklyn, New York Produced and mixed by Tyler Postiglione
Mastered by Sarah Register
Nicole Rodriguez - Vocals, Acoustic Guitar
Tyler Postiglione - Synthesizer, Rhodes
Jack Sasner - Electric Guitar
Julian Smith - Bass
Charlie Culbert - Drums and percussion
Thank you for watching and listening!
<3 <3 <3